Ashrams

From an atheist, communist-inspired social activist to a "willing servitor of the Divine Consciousness", from life in an Indian metro to the verdant pastures of Auroville, is a rather huge leap.

It happened to me rather unexpectedly, due to events entirely beyond my control, but was so total that it required a complete rethinking of who I was. It brought me back to my very essence, that which exists without words. In myself, I discovered the silence that speaks, the Presence that throbs; that Power so immense that it reduces the ego to nothing. I know my life can never be the same again.

In Auroville, I discovered my reason for being. I feel that even if I leave Auroville for a while, it will be to serve as an instrument related to Auroville’s purpose. I do not see any other point to my existence.

I also fell in love with the Divine and nestled like a child in Her arms. In Auroville, I have been able to do things I never ever thought I would do. I’ve been able to fulfil dreams, from the most mundane but precious dreams of childhood, to others that moved me during later years.

The gifts that the Divine showers on us were revealed to me here and I became aware of the other reality that animates and hides behind the surface. It is so deeply exciting, so beyond anything that I have ever experienced, that it is rather difficult to speak about.

Living in Auroville is not always easy. In fact, it is a constant, daily, challenge, at all levels of being. Sometimes, in fact, very often, one slips away from that contact with the Divine, and flounders, lost unhappy and agitated. Each time my own surrender to the Divine is incomplete, and I act motivated by my lower self, I feel the effects immediately.

Yet, each time something happens (externally it may manifest in an event or an action, but in fact, the change is within) to bring me in contact again with the Divine’s Grace, and I am once again humbled by its power. I am lucky to have had one moment when I experienced what it truly is to be an instrument of the Divine. I certainly have to work a lot harder on myself to experience other such opportunities.

But I do know: I am on the path and it will be there, always. Even when the physical outer aspects of living in Auroville become difficult, there exists this reassurance.

Multilayered
Auroville, as I have experienced it, is rather like an onion: peel away a layer and there are more underneath. A judgement made on one day, based on certain information, may be overturned in the next.

It is so complex that it makes one rethink sharp categorisations. But it calls one constantly to act, and not flinch from action. Sometimes, I think it is the battlefield of Kurukshetra.

Auroville requires you to make a spiritual surrender of your entire self, but not to any physical person/guru, only directly to the Divine. This is a lot more difficult than one thinks, but also deeply gratifying.

Your Own Guide
There will be no one specific to guide you; you have to be your own Guide. Auroville is all about finding your Soul, underneath the crusty armour of self-perception and the outer garments of gender, nationality, religion, caste, sexuality, etc. What you require to come to Auroville is simply an open heart, goodwill, and faith. You need to be a dreamer, but you should also be able to work really hard. An openness to let yourself be guided by your Inner Voice also will help.

For all its incredible achievements, there are also many things ‘wrong’ with Auroville; many ways in which, it is so far from what is expected of it. Before, my tendency was to immediately judge the persons responsible. Then I realised that there was nothing that stopped me from working on these aspects, except my own ego and limitations.

If one blames others and does nothing about a situation, one will only remain unhappy. Doing something about a situation, with which one is unhappy, is much harder, especially if it involves other people.

Truths and Untruths
Auroville teaches you that you can never impose what is your Truth on others. It teaches you how complex (and sometimes, suddenly: how simple) the truth really is. In the process one comes increasingly face to face with one's real self.

Understanding my own limitations has brought a more realistic appraisal of myself. I am more able to look at myself in balance. I still struggle to find the reasons for certain events that seem incomprehensible, but instead of railing against them as I used to, now there is an inner quietness.

I know I have to fight the danger of falling into tamas, or inaction. That is a constant struggle. I know that I have a long way to go on this spiritual journey, this path of Integral Yoga. This happens to be my particular journey; others have their own unique and highly specific ones to take.

The being, which exists beyond the I, is assured that one day, all action it takes, will be entirely in consecration to the Divine.