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Julia Dutta writes how her years in the Osho ashram transformed her from
a self-doubting human being to one who could deal with her past with equanimity.
For a rational Indian with no knowledge of Osho (or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh as he
was then called in 1986 - 87) when I first encountered him, he stood for me as a
man who had a following from the aftermath of the hippie wave - the sex maniacs,
drug addicts and the lost creed of western and Indian junta.
What I encountered was quite another matter.
In April ‘87, when I took a rickshaw to visit the ashram in Pune at 17, Koregaon
Park, I didn't know that I was going to be hooked to the "air" of the ashram and
that I would lose my heart completely to a man I would love and respect for the
rest of my life.
Who would initiate a complete change of my life and thought for ever. I had been
practicing his meditations - the Dynamic and Kundalini - for a while, as if it was
some kind of evening and morning exercise!! The visit that day saw me returning
to the ashram on a daily basis and participating in the meditations in the Buddha
Hall. Within a week, I also took sannyas!!
Sannyas, as he once told me through his then secretary Ma Neelam, was "a journey
towards oneself. It is a commitment that one makes to oneself to always be on the
spiritual path".
I was satisfied and in a simple ceremony, in the background of soul-soothing music,
I was initiated as a sannyasin and my name became, Shraddha Bharti.
The two years spent after that at the ashram was the time I grew. I spent the entire
day at the ashram, working at the Book Shop and mailing his books to all parts of
the world. I also meditated a lot and attended discourses and had many very loving
friends both from India and abroad.
Those were tough years for me as I moved from a position of blame/shame to a position
of taking responsibility for my life, being grateful for the past no matter how
painful, and moving on.
Osho was the most compassionate man I had ever come across. Those who had had the
good fortune to be with him while he was in the body will agree that he exuded such
grace and tenderness that it was impossible to remain hard hearted in his presence.
He melted you! He was truly an embodiment of the three "L"s he believed and instilled
in us - life, love, laughter.
Essentially, Osho was a spiritual teacher and his techniques of meditation were
designed to help us look within. The "inner revolution" was what we all worked at
- whether we were doing it through meditation, through love, through our daily work,
through broken relationships or building new relations. The focus of the search
was the re-discovery of ones essential self. For people who were already students
of philosophy like me, there was nothing new that he was speaking about that I didn't
know about.
What was new was the expert manner in which he had been able to mix western psychology
and Indian mysticism to transform the individual and an alchemical change in you
that is hard to put to words. Those of us who have left behind a skin we cannot
identify with any more are aware of this amazing phenomenon.
It may seem like I am trying to draw a rosy picture that cannot be true. I believe
that I have stated the facts as I saw then. These are my personal feelings and thoughts.
For, on the other hand, there were loads of westerners and Indians who seem to have
been in the ashram for years trying hard to "get it" , not being able to return
to their country for long periods of time, leeching on to the ashram like parasites
giving me the impression that it was a good escape point. Or their only source of
income.
For me, it was well worth the experience especially given that all of us came out
of the ashram with a lot more love and compassion towards ourselves than what we
had when we entered the premises for the first time. We are far more accepting of
ourselves and proud to be who we are - living life to the hilt on one end and going
within on the other - Zorba , the Buddha as we like to call ourselves otherwise
to symbolise a philosophy and a way of life.
(The writer of this piece is poet and marketing professional. She is resident in
Delhi, India)
- Julia Dutta
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