Break The Shackles

The spiritual world had always intrigued me. I had read different philosophical thoughts, practised meditation techniques, and explored diverse beliefs. So when my yoga teacher, Mr. Uday Pendse, suggested that I learn Vipassana meditation at the Vipassana International Academy at Igatpuri, I was curious to know more.

I learnt that during the ten-day course at the Igatpuri centre, I will have to observe complete silence without access to any reading or writing material, or communication with fellow students.

Eager to practise Vipassana, I registered for a course in 1993, but left after three days because I couldn’t go through with it. I gave it a recovery period and in early January 1996, was ready to give it another chance - a decision, which I now realise made a real difference to my life.

I remember the first day I completed the formalities, and was given a neat room. After dinner, other students were informed about the course and program. The schedule has been designed to give maximum benefit in the practise of Vipassana.

We were advised to follow the timetable as closely as possible. We were also asked to take a vow of noble silence and surrender ourselves completely to the teacher.

At four a.m. the next morning a gentle wake-up bell was rung to indicate that it was time to rise for meditation either in the hall or in the students room itself, a procedure that was to take place each day. In a large hall, shorn of any decoration, we sat in perfect silence. We were asked to ‘watch your breath’ as we meditated in the hall. There was no particular breathing technique to be followed. We had to focus completely on observing our natural breath, with no object in mind, or mantra to be recited.

The word Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. It is believed that by observing the natural breath, we build concentration. The mind is allowed to calm down so that the student can proceed with the next stage. Once the mind is sharpened, further meditation helps us to observe the changing nature of the body and mind and experience universal truths of impermanence, suffering and without ego.

I felt that silence allowed me to be with myself. Since eye contact with others is also to be avoided, the entire experience of meditating - focusing on the breath with my eyes closed - became an inward experience. But my thoughts wandered even as I concentrated on observing my breath, moving between the past, present and future. And in that period I realised how restless the mind really is.

The first session ended at 6:30 am. We were served breakfast which was to be eaten in complete silence. There was time till 8 a.m. to get ready, before the group meditation session in the hall from 8 to 9 a.m. This was followed by meditation - the old students meditated in their cells, while the new students meditated in the hall or in their rooms - till lunchtime at 11:30 a.m.

During these sessions I found myself going through a range of emotions - from experiencing peace and savouring the silence to questioning myself. Why I was here? What I was doing here when there was so much work to catch up already? Why did I think of leaving for ten days without any communication with my work place? There were times when my mind quietened and was focused, at other times it wandered and was hard to still.

We were free to ask the teachers any questions we had between 12 and 12:30. This clarified our doubts, and made us feel that the system was not rigid or regimented. I noticed that the dhamma-sevaks were extremely helpful to those who had doubts, gesturing to them or taking them aside to answer their queries. Meditation resumed at 1:00 till 2:30 in the hall/room, and then there was group meditation in the hall from 2:30 till 3:30.

Sitting in a fixed posture during the group meditation was difficult and I often wanted to change my position. But gradually a "detached frame" developed and I was able to watch my breath and not feel the discomfort or pain of sitting for prolonged periods in a particular position. Those who had back problems were provided chairs for meditation, indicating that though there was complete focus on meditation, the system was sensitive to individual needs.

From 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. we meditated in the hall or in our rooms. Tea with snacks was served at 5:30 p.m. From 6 to 7 p.m. there was group meditation in the hall, followed at 7 p.m. till 8:45 p.m. by an audio-visual cassette of Geonkaji’s discourse. The video recording of Goenkaji’s discourse addressed some of the doubts that arose in my mind and I realised that my concentration will increase gradually, and that I was not to get upset about not being able to focus.

Listening to the discourses made me realise that my thoughts, doubts and experiences were not mine alone, that previous students had felt the same, which was very encouraging.

After the discourse we retired to our rooms and it was lights-out at 9:30 p.m. The first two days there was newness to the course, which steered me on, but the third day was particularly difficult. These three days passed off in much the same pattern - with doubts in the morning, hours of meditation, but by the end of the day the feeling was ‘Wow, this is the best thing I’ve ever done’.

I also realised that the logic behind not speaking is to prevent me from comparing my experiences with another’s. The silence allowed me to look more within myself, making the meditation a personal, inward journey.

Even as over 500 students practised in the large hall in perfect silence, each one not communicating with the other, they were discovering a path towards purity and truth. On the fourth day the Vipassana technique was explained to me, when we were asked to observe without reacting.

I feel that the experience and the technique can only be understood by undergoing the course, the entire process being "experiential wisdom rather than intellectual wisdom".

By the practise of the Vipassana technique, I found that during the following days I was enjoying the silence. My mind was gradually getting cleansed of negativity. On the morning of the tenth day the silence was lifted, and the whole day passed with a lot of activity, exchanging notes and calling home.

A sense of release, a feeling of tremendous joyfulness and peace overcame me, and with it a humble feeling of having achieved the aim of the course. We spoke to one another, to our assistant teachers and dhamma-sevaks. And we made spontaneous donations, so touched were we by the experience and the purity of the tradition of Vipassana.

According to me, Vipassana gives you results here and now, its not a promise of happiness later in life or in the next life, but changes you as a person during and after the course. I realise the goal of Vipassana is to purify the mind, free it from misery by gradually eradicating the negativities within. It is an experience involving the unconscious mind that uncovers and removes the complexes hidden within.

Apart from the decrease in the intensity of emotions, the recovery from those expressions is much faster. An attitude that "this too will pass off" sets in and I am equanimous about my reactions to happenings around me. "You realise that nothing is here to stay - one part of the brain is experiencing the pain, sorrow, joy; while the other part realises that this too shall pass".

Most of all Vipassana taught me not to react adversely when provoked. It is an art of living with equanimity. It enables us to live a happy, harmonious and peaceful life. It helps us to concentrate and gain control over the mind, which has helped me tremendously at my workplace, where I head a team of 42 single-handedly.

My attitude and approach is a affirmation that Vipassana is a method of mental purification, which allows one to face life's tensions and problems in a calm, balanced way making way for a harmonious life. Though I have returned to the old routine, the hectic pace of life, the course has definitely changed me and since that initial course I have returned to Igatpuri for subsequent courses.

The sublime silence that I experienced at the Centre has remained with me even as I returned to the city and its chaos. Though I am unable to practise regularly, much as I wish too, I am a firm believer in the powers of Vipassana and strongly recommend others to go for it. I am convinced that there is value to Vipassana, it is based in truth, and a lot is achieved by practising it more.