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Music Of Love

A Smile. A hug. A murmur. And a stroke on your back. You are moved. Diminished. Your subliminal self cracks. Ego rolls out in the form of teardrops.


Consoled, tranquillised, transformed and sublimated, there you are, baptised in an ocean of love. At the feet of Amma.


Prem Nair, 38, is a doctor. Born in Mumbai, Nair was running his pharmaceuticals business in Los Angeles. Despite material success, he was conscious of an emptiness within. And then he came across a biography of Mata Amritanandamayi. Nair tried meeting her during one of her visits to the States. But in vain. Two months later, he air-dashed to Kerala, crossed the backwaters of Vallikkavu and met Amma at her ashram. "I had no problem. I just wanted to see Amma. She hugged me. She asked me to meet her at Los Angeles next year."


In 1990, Nair and his wife Radhika decided to become ashram inmates. But Amma demurred for nearly four years, until she was convinced of their sincerity to tread the austere path of spirituality. Today, the affluent four-member NRI family is content in a small hut in Amma's ashram.


Spirituality is experiencing love in its pristine pure form - an experience that can never be communicated fully through words. When the mind reaches the limits of its communication, it falls silent. Then you hear the music of silence. The music, which was present before the word. The music of your inner voice. And you begin to realise that the 'supernatural' is the true nature of Nature.


Here is the key. Substitute the word 'whole' with 'love', and you have entered into the spiritual world of Mata Amritnandamayi.

I love you not only for
what you are.
But for what I am when
I am with you.
I love you not only for what
you have made of yourself.
But, for what you are
making of me.
I love you for passing over
all my foolish and weak trails,
that you can't help but see.
I love you for drawing out
into the light of my beauty
That no one else had looked
quit far enough to find.
I LOVE YOU.

This is Amma's message, printed and framed, inviting you to the office of Amritapuri Ashram, in Kerala's Quilon district, flanked by the Arabian sea and the backwaters of Kayamkulam - headquarters of her international mission, where nearly 700 spiritual aspirants reside permanently and thousands of devotees pour in every day for Amma's darshan.


From cooking and cleaning to operating the computers, they all contribute actively to the upkeep of the ashram. Here meals are served thrice a day, while drugs, alcoholic drinks, cigarettes and non-vegetarian food is not allowed. Celibacy, silence and modest dress code are the rules of the ashram. Simplicity is its crown. Compassion its beauty. And love its soul.


The ashram also serves as the headquarters of Amrita Niketan (orphanage), Amrita Balamandiram (hostel for scheduled caste students), Amrita Bhavanam (hostel for tribal children), Amrita Kripa Sagar (hospice for the terminally ill cancer patients), Amrita Medical Centre and Amrita Medical Mission of Ayurveda. Also housed in the premises are Amrita Vidvahayants; Amrita Arts and Cultural Research Centre; Amrita School for Sanskrit; Amrita Institute of Computer Technology; Mata Amritanandamayi Mission Trust Industrial Training Centre and Amrita offset printers, which publishes books on Amma's life and teachings in Malayalam, Tamil, Kannada, Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, Sanskrit, English, German, French, Italian, Japanese, Russian and Swedish. Ever Monday and Tuesday, Mata Amritanandamayi pays special attention to the administration of each of these units.


"I am not a devotee. I've come to write a story on Amma. Can I interview her?" I asked the office secretary. "Please ask Amma. Normally, it's not permitted. You journalists ask all sorts of questions. Her time is precious for her devotees," the saffron-clad young man said with a pleasing smile. I was taken to the Darshan Hall. A small group was singing bhajans (devotional songs). The air in the hall was solemn and serene. And there, on the dais, calmly sat Mata Amritananandamayi in her spotless white dress. And as she lent a patient ear to each of the devotees, hugging them, caressing them and murmuring advice, they broke into tears like little children. All the while, Amma smiled.


I was a little nervous. I am spiritually inclined, but have never kneeled before a spiritual leader. I was also nervous thinking whether the catharsis would move me emotionally? My turn. I knelt before her. She hugged me. "My son, what can Amma give you?" "An interview," I said. She burst into laughter; "Interviewing me! What for? Amma is not that important." "At least one minute," I said, " so that I can ask you one question. If you give me two minutes I shall ask you two." Amma hugged me again and kissed me on my forehead. "Yes son. I shall meet you after the darshan. You can ask any number of questions."


During the three hours of the darshan, I talked to a few devotees, scanned a couple of journals and books and met Amma's parents next door for an idea about her and her past. When she was not Mata Amritanandamayi but the 'crazy' Sudhamani, born in a traditional fishermen community as the eighth in a line of 13 born to Dayamanthi and Sugunandan. Born on September 27, 1953, in a humble hut made of woven palm leaves, she was nine years old when her mother fell seriously ill. The entire responsibility fell on her tender shoulders, forcing the brilliant student to discontinue her schooling.


Getting up well before dawn, she would set to household chores of cleaning, fetching water, cooking, collecting vegetable scraps and rice gruel for the cow, milking it and wading through the backwaters looking for the ducks. And she was often sent to her relatives' houses to do their sundry jobs. She was practically a maidservant in her own house.


Still, curses and punishments was her pay. If ever she overslept, Damayanthi would not hesitate to pour a pitcher of cold water on her. Her very dark complexion was looked down upon. Yet it only strengthened her concern and love for the poor and the old - she spent time listening to their woes and stole food and cash from her house to help them. She once gave her mother's gold bangle to a poor old woman. In a fit of fury, her father tied her to the trunk of a tree and beat her until she bled. At times, she would suddenly withdraw. Irrespective of the time or place, she would sit for hours near the backwaters, looking intently into the flowing time.


Unable to understand her behaviour, she was upbraided for not being playful like others. This marked the beginning of a long period of malignment with their daughter and misinterpretations of her undaunted flight to the realm of divine love. "Yes. We thought that she was mad," admits Sugunanandhan, who now takes Damayanthi to the ashram for Amma's darshan, remorseful of the ill treatment to his daughter. But Sudhamani, even after she became Mata Amritanandamyi to millions, considers Damayanathi her spiritual guru.


"Damayanthi Amma was, in a sense, my guru. She inculcated diligence, devotion and discipline in me. If there was even a little rubbish left over in the courtyard after sweeping, she would beat me. When all the vessels were washed, she would punish me in case she traced a speck of dirt. She would even beat me with the wooden pestle used for pounding rice. But I knew it was for my good. She mistreated me due to her limited vision. All those trials led me along the correct path."


That is how the Mother of Love evaluates her own mother's cruel treatment. And it is a measure of her own nobility and strength of character that behaviour, which would have only evoked anger, hatred and alienation in others, only served to enhance her love. Eventually, she was forced out of her house and spent her days and night out in the open. When Sudhamani's family and her fisherfolk community rejected her, birds and animals consoled her. She kissed the earth and embraced the trees. She wept with joy at the caress of the breeze. For months her 'madness' continued until she realised the vital truth.


"From all those experiences, I clearly understood that the world is full of sorrow. Nobody loves us selflessly. Everyone loves only himself. Only God has such selfless love." At 27, she accepted a band of young disciples to spread the message of love. She trained them in accordance with the sanyasa tradition of India. And slowly, people began to flock for her darshan.


Today, the ashram has its centres in Mumbai, Thane, Pune, New Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and Coimbatore, apart from ten centres in Kerala. It has its units in America, France, Mauritius, Reunion Island and Japan. Amma has led thousands of spiritual Yajnas in Japan, Singapore, England, France, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Sweden, Russia, USA, Canada and Australia.



- Rajasekharan Nair

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