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Julia Dutta writes how her years in the Osho ashram transformed her
from a self-doubting human being to one who could deal with her
past with equanimity.
For a rational Indian with no knowledge of Osho
(or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh as he was then called in 1986 - 87) when
I first encountered him, he stood for me as a man who had a following
from the aftermath of the hippie wave - the sex maniacs, drug addicts
and the lost creed of western and Indian junta.
What I encountered was quite another matter.
In April ‘87, when I took a rickshaw to visit the
ashram in Pune at 17, Koregaon Park, I didn't know that I was going
to be hooked to the "air" of the ashram and that I would lose my
heart completely to a man I would love and respect for the rest
of my life.
Who would initiate a complete change of my life
and thought for ever. I had been practicing his meditations - the
Dynamic and Kundalini - for a while, as if it was some kind of evening
and morning exercise!! The visit that day saw me returning to the
ashram on a daily basis and participating in the meditations in
the Buddha Hall. Within a week, I also took sannyas!!
Sannyas, as he once told me through his
then secretary Ma Neelam, was "a journey towards oneself. It is
a commitment that one makes to oneself to always be on the spiritual
path".
I was satisfied and in a simple ceremony, in the background of soul-soothing
music, I was initiated as a sannyasin and my name became,
Shraddha Bharti.
The two years spent after that at the ashram was
the time I grew. I spent the entire day at the ashram, working at
the Book Shop and mailing his books to all parts of the world. I
also meditated a lot and attended discourses and had many very loving
friends both from India and abroad.
Those were tough years for me as I moved from a
position of blame/shame to a position of taking responsibility for
my life, being grateful for the past no matter how painful, and
moving on.
Osho was the most compassionate man I had ever
come across. Those who had had the good fortune to be with him while
he was in the body will agree that he exuded such grace and tenderness
that it was impossible to remain hard hearted in his presence. He
melted you! He was truly an embodiment of the three "L"s he believed
and instilled in us - life, love, laughter.
Essentially, Osho was a spiritual teacher and his
techniques of meditation were designed to help us look within. The
"inner revolution" was what we all worked at - whether we were doing
it through meditation, through love, through our daily work, through
broken relationships or building new relations. The focus of the
search was the re-discovery of ones essential self. For people who
were already students of philosophy like me, there was nothing new
that he was speaking about that I didn't know about.
What was new was the expert manner in which he
had been able to mix western psychology and Indian mysticism to
transform the individual and an alchemical change in you that is
hard to put to words. Those of us who have left behind a skin we
cannot identify with any more are aware of this amazing phenomenon.
It may seem like I am trying to draw a rosy picture
that cannot be true. I believe that I have stated the facts as I
saw then. These are my personal feelings and thoughts.
For, on the other hand, there were loads of westerners and Indians
who seem to have been in the ashram for years trying hard to "get
it" , not being able to return to their country for long periods
of time, leeching on to the ashram like parasites giving me the
impression that it was a good escape point. Or their only source
of income.
For me, it was well worth the experience especially
given that all of us came out of the ashram with a lot more love
and compassion towards ourselves than what we had when we entered
the premises for the first time. We are far more accepting of ourselves
and proud to be who we are - living life to the hilt on one end
and going within on the other - Zorba , the Buddha as we like to
call ourselves otherwise to symbolise a philosophy and a way of
life.
(The writer of this piece is
poet and marketing professional. She is resident in Delhi, India)
- Julia Dutta
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